every step i take, every move i make, every single day, every time i pray- i'll be missing you.
this weekend has been awesomeee cos it totally felt like post-exams! when it obviously isnt haha back to studying computing tmrrrrrr.
lately mush's been feeling rly down and out about..life. okay maybe just studying in general but it makes up such a big bulk of our lives right now so yes, she's feeling negative about life. which i think is rly reasonable, for all of us stuck in this freaking competitive education system, to feel that way.
which makes me feel tt i'm kinda..blessed with these simple thoughts. naive or not, but i do have that belief that if one rly set their mind on smt and want it badly enough, one can and will achieve it eventually. i never had anything i really wanna do in life, which is why i'm always just going with the flow and hoping it'll eventually take me to somewhere nice. okay maybe you'd think i'm just deluding myself so i dont feel upset whenever i dont do well but,..just let me continue living in denial its a much happier place haha. and happy is what we aim for! not cute. HAHA okay, nvm if you dont get the joke.
all i want in life is to have a happy family and being ard the ppl i love. so much so i'd get married and have kids right now if i can. i should sooo live in the 50's or smt right haha. but obviously i am too practical and its just not logical to do it, so yarr. degree! degree! degree! it doesnt make the world go round, but it'll aid you in going around the world ;)
sometimes i wonder how would i be like if i'm still single and this lil'(in terms of height, HAHA) soccer dude isnt such a gigantic part of life. sure, i think i'll prob have more friends in uni now and i wont have to spend 3hrs every fri on my own(which is an ABSOLUTE DRAGGGG), study dates will prob be frequent, and my fb page will prob be real happening with tens of random names appearing on my wall and tagged photos with all sorts of ppl. i'll prob be more daring in my dressing than i am now. heck, my cca may even be ntu cheer! but, i think..i like living for someone(oh gosh i sound like kevyn!!!). and studying isnt all tt bad when i think about why i'm doing it. he's enough reason for me to want to just try my best and do well, because..okay i dont think i should type it out cos it'll sound real cheesy haha. but i dont think i'm being rly childish or unrealistic to think this way, at age 19, i believe i'm mature enough to know what i want. so when i think about how life would be like if i wasnt with him, its just something i'd give up in a heartbeat. 

finals are killing me softly, but surely. somehow after 19yrs of my life i think i'm rly not cut out for studying. my relatively thick stack of past yr papers+solutions has been my best friend for the past few days, and hopefully its enough to make me a satisfied girl when my grades are out. semi-liberation in 2 days, thank goodness.

feeling kinda lousy.
maybe its just my course, because there's plenty plenty plenty plenty of students from china, its FREAKING competitive. i scored 74% for my previous math test, but the class mean is 79% and the median is 89%. like, wth. and my econs suck. i blame the notes too, half the time i dont even know what is it trying to get across.
chem quiz tmr and i've lost the will to study, after spending 2hr+ ATTEMPTING to do the 5 questions from my phy tut. besides i've never been good at MCQs.
sigh.
feeling the pressure?

i just found out there's no such thing as a real world, just a lie you've got to rise above.
computer on, with music pumping and a big(enough) bag of yummy homemade cookies camping right in front of me..
rahh, i dont feel like studying. econs AND math CA in 4 days and i'm only on page 200 of the econs textbook. its pretty amazing how the university expects one to grasp the entire content of a 790 pages textbook in a mere 10 weeks. among studying other subjects as well. oh well. back to my negative externalities..

oooo!



the day he stops thinking about her, will be the day he starts living his life for real.
sometimes i wonder why God gave us such strong feelings to love someone. not in a family or friendship kinda way, but the passion one feels so vividly for the opposite sex. because it causes hurt. esp when we fall way too easily for someone but have to try so darn hard to erase how we feel for that person. and tt sucks cos the 'healing' period is so difficult to get by and its not as if one can just stitch up the heart or slap some band-aid on, and hope the wound'll clear fast. getting over someone takes days, months, or years. but sometimes the heart just doesnt want to give up, it lingers around, hoping for a miracle to happen or for that thin glimpse of light in their own dark, little world. for it is much easier to continue living in denial then to face the truth. it feels awful to love someone who doesnt love you back. one'll feel so small and unwanted, and happiness is so hard to find..
well.
its times like this when all your friends can do is to console you and say nice things, to pray for you to get through this heartbreak quick. so wake up, i say. get up and start hurting. ultimately, no one can make you feel happy again except yourself. you gotta dig yourself out of this trench, love will not break you so much so that you arent able to stand on your own two feet again. and whatever doesnt break you, makes you stronger. smile, get over it, and anticipate your brighter future!

okay i dont rly know why am i saying those stuff. but sigh. sometimes i just wanna give up on him and away with all his emo-ing and whines, but then i know he needs a friend..